Relationships

ADHD & relationships.

ADHD can affect shared routines, communication, memory, attention and emotional regulation. Understanding the mechanism can help stop practical problems becoming character judgements.

Intent and impact

Forgetting a request may not mean it was unimportant. Interrupting may come from fear of losing a thought rather than lack of respect. But good intentions do not erase impact either. Both things can be true at once.

Move the system out of memory

Shared calendars, written plans and agreed homes for information can reduce the number of relationship problems that are actually memory-management problems wearing a disguise.

Talk about the pattern, not the person

“We keep losing track of household jobs” creates a problem both people can solve. “You never care enough to remember” turns the same problem into a judgement. Clear expectations and specific requests are usually more useful than mind-reading.